Teaching Firm Convictions

T's personality is really shining these days. M and I always joke about what traits we passed on to our son. M and I are both pretty stubborn so we both knew that T would be stubborn. We just didn't realize it would be so soon. He's silly like his mommy and smart like his daddy. So far, he seems to be the perfect combo of me and M.

M is assertive and fearless. I hope T develops these qualities. M has no problem standing up to people who are rude. I like the think that he stands up for other people as well as himself. There is never a shortage of rude, selfish, and inconsiderate people in this world so we need people like M to stand up.

I used to be afraid of confrontation. I still am to those I respect and care about. But when it comes to strangers who bud in line, talk loudly on their cells, or stop in the middle of an aisle to catch up with friends and leave no space for anyone to get their cart around, I have no problem speaking up. I hate that people are so oblivious to the world around them.

My biggest pet-peeve is the 'budder'. I don't like it when people feel entitled. The worst place for budders is Walmart. Thanks to 'self-checkouts', people line up wherever they please. Some days, there are separate lines for each checkout. Other days, there are two lines for eight checkouts. Rude people make their very own line. How convenient for them? When I observe everyone else in the proper line(s), they either roll their eyes or give a death stare. But nobody says anything. M is hilarious sometimes when he stands up to people. He'll blurt out "Lines are for stupid people like me, intelligent people like you just go wherever you want." Throw in a few not-so-friendly words and everyone else in line is laughing under their breath. He likes to make rude people feel uncomfortable because that's exactly what they do to everyone else.

I on the other hand will say something to the person in front or behind me but loud enough for the 'budder' to hear - "Wow, that was pretty rude." My mother always taught me to stand up to people, including teachers. But I knew where the boundaries were. I couldn't disrespect a teacher's opinion but I could certainly tell them I didn't agree.

The year before I was to start high school, we moved to a new city two hours away from all my friends. I needed to make new friends. One of my friends from my home town wrote me a note that contained an inappropriate poem. (We were in eighth grade and giggled every time someone said 'penis'. What do you expect?) The letter also contained a nice paragraph about how special I was to this person. I showed that part of the note to the potential friend sitting next me. Unfortunately, the 'naughty' poem was on the other side of the same page. This 'potential friend' passed it on to her friend. It eventually got passed around to the entire class. The teacher saw someone laughing and passing it to someone else. She tried to grab the note but the kid who was holding it ripped it up. She picked up all the pieces and put them on her desk. I really wanted that note back. Aside from the poem, it was a nice letter.

The next day, I was called to her desk, she'd taped up the note. I remember thinking 'are you kidding me. Really?'. She yelled at me, in front of all my new peers. She gave me back the note and told me to go to the principal's office. I stormed off to the principals office and told him that it was my third day at a new school and I didn't want to make this kind of impression on my new friends. I was livid. The next day the principal got a call from my mother. I got a formal apology from the teacher and the principal.

I will teach my son a combination of the values that M and I have when it comes to standing up to people, including those who are in a position of authority. So if T ever notices that someone bud in line, I'm going to tell him to go over to them, and kindly tell them they budded. Nobody can really get upset when a cute kid reminds them to be polite.